is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
