My hand turned me down
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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