last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
