This is not my ceiling
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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