I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
