Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
