I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
