Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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