I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
