Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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