OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
