The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
