brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
