Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
