I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
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I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
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It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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