my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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