I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize