So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize