My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
