Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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