Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
