How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
