i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
