how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
