I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
