just come out here and I will go home with you...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
