Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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