I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
