I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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