Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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