your parents love me but you hate me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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