I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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