someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
