so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
