Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter

(310): View more from California

Whats your twitter name

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I never want to see another naked old woman again.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.

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(207): View more from Maine

making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned

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(818): View more from California

Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)

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(812): View more from Indiana

We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.

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(207): View more from Maine

I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.

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(407): View more from Florida

he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet

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