Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
