omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
