He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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