would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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