If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
