why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
