He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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