I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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