Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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