dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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