So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
