i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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