please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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