Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
