my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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