You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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