the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
