You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
