On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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