How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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