It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
