you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
