if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
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sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize