i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
