I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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