I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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