I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
