He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
