You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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