You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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