So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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