im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
