I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
