he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know her cup size but not her name....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
