I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize