Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
