omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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